Clients Returning to Their Abuser Makes You Feel Like An Impostor
As a clinician, you’ve undoubtedly encountered the gut-wrenching scenario where a client repeatedly returns to an abusive partner. It’s incredibly difficult to witness their painful cycle of leaving, reuniting, and leaving again. And while this process is often a part of the healing journey, it can trigger frustration and self-doubt in you as the clinician.
Most likely you’re feeling that you’re not doing enough, or you’re not doing the "right" thing. These thoughts can easily creep in during these moments. I used to question my effectiveness or wonder if I was really making a difference. I would ask myself why aren’t they listening to my advice? Why does my client keep going back to their abuser? Overtime I learned that these feelings are normal to experience, and they don’t reflect my competence as a clinician. This is why I’m passionate in helping clinicians move out of impostor syndrome, and feel more confident when these situations happen in session.
Here are three ways to manage impostor syndrome and stay grounded in your clinical work when faced with this tough dynamic.
Acknowledge the Complexities of Abuse Dynamics. Clients who return to abusers face deep, complex barriers—emotional manipulation, financial dependence, and trauma bonds. Understanding this helps you reframe your frustration and avoid self-blame. You’re not failing; you’re supporting them through a complicated process.
Practice Self-Compassion and Reframe Your Narrative. Impostor syndrome thrives on perfectionism. It’s normal to feel discouraged when clients don’t follow through, but remember: healing from abuse is slow and nonlinear. Your role is to offer consistent support, not to fix everything.
Seek Supervision and Peer Support. Isolation breeds impostor syndrome. Regular supervision and peer support help you process tough cases and gain new perspectives. Sharing experiences normalizes your feelings and boosts confidence.
Working with clients who return to abusive relationships is incredibly tough, and it’s normal to feel disheartened or question your competence. However, by acknowledging the complexities of abuse dynamics, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support from others, you can manage the feelings of impostor syndrome and continue being the strong, supportive clinician your clients need. You are not an impostor; you are a skilled and compassionate professional doing the hard work of trauma-informed care.