Confronting your client’s anger towards you is your right
You thought it was going well in sessions until your client, directed their anger towards you. You were caught off guard not knowing how to respond back appropriate. So you automatically got defensive and now you’re arguing with your angry client. This is not how you want to respond, but here you are “imperfectly human.” I get it! You want to be able to confront your client’s behavior, but in a way that doesn’t negatively impact your therapeutic relationship.
Growing up, not all of us were modeled with good communication skills and boundaries by our caretakers. This would make sense, if you’re quick to emotionally react and then get defensive to protect yourself. There are times when this might be appropriate, like when you’re truly in danger. Unfortunately this reaction can hurt our therapeutic relationship and it can prevent clients from being vulnerable in session.
When I was newly licensed, I would get emotionally triggered when clients would project their anger onto me. This created a “power struggle” that felt awful and inappropriate. But instead of addressing this issue with my clients, it created a barrier in my therapeutic relationship. Overtime I learned how to hold my boundaries, to prevent responding back reactively. This is why I enjoy working with Clinicians like you, to help you with navigating difficult situations and in setting firm boundaries, so you can maintain healthy therapeutic relationships with your clients!
Here’s 3 tips on confronting your angry client, without emotionally reacting.
Pause and take a step back to disengage briefly. Don’t engage right away. Observe your feelings and thoughts. Count to 10 backwards. Keep your body language open.
Gently with care, name your client’s behavior and what your observations are. Allow your client to respond, but hold onto your boundaries, to not get into a “power struggle.”
Hold space for your client. Validate their anger. Explore their past trauma or incident, that triggered their anger. Provide them with effective coping skills. Model ways that they can express their anger appropriately to avoid consequences in their relationships.
Confronting clients on their projected anger, is not an easy thing to do. But if we don’t do it, we’re not teaching our clients healthier ways to express their anger. Remember we are “change agents.” So it’s important that we model behaviors that we want to see in our clients. As therapists we continue to grow and evolve throughout our career. So give yourself grace and it’s okay to be “imperfectly human!” We are all still learning!